"My flesh is like a zombie, I kill it and it keeps getting up and I have to kill it again and again!"
Ken Nair, Life Partners
I don't know about you, but when I blow it, I tend to blow it big time. This last weekend, to make a long story short, I blew it big time. Through my misunderstanding my wife, I became offended and defensive. I told Gwen that I didn't want her to disrespect me by thinking that I wouldn't stand up for myself. She told me I knew better than that. She said she couldn't believe I "would fall for that!" It hit me when she said it and I knew she was right.
What I realized was that I didn't want to disrespect myself. But, what I was thinking and feeling was worthy of disrespect. I have to keep killing my zombie flesh and reminding myself that Christ's values are diametrically opposed to my natural values. My values are self-preservation and self-defense. His values are others-oriented. He simply did not defend Himself. This comes through Scripture in so many ways. Everything from loving your enemies to turning the other cheek to being led like a lamb to slaughter.
Gwen is not my enemy and the flaw that she was pointing out in my character was true, but I defended myself just the same. I have apologized, but I know that I've set myself back quite a bit. God help me to go on creating a new track record, caring for her and understanding her more and more... Here's hoping you can learn from my mistakes.