I get up, I get down
I get up, I get down"
I can be so consistently inconsistent. Sometimes, I'm spiritually on and sometimes not. I can be caring and understanding one day and the very next be completely absent. Yes, I know why. But, I am simply not disciplined enough to get to consistency. It's like drinking a Coke. Everything I know tells me that it's bad for me. Like drinking pure sugar. And carbonated at that. The road to diabetes and kidney stones is paved with empty Coke cans. And yet, every once in a while, I drink (a Coke!).
When confronted with my offensiveness, I get defensive. I want to be understood. I think that I'll be understood if I can just explain myself better. I don't want to give up. I want to be heard. I talk too much. I raise my voice. I feel like I can't get a word in edge-wise. I get frustrated and impatient. Of course, this just makes things worse.
Then, I get confused and non-committal. I don't want to appear weak, but I am, in fact, weak. Weakness isn't very attractive. It's repulsive. It looks...weak. Then I get angry with myself for letting myself get to this place. Self-loathing isn't attractive either. I feel like I'm living Close to the Edge. I get up. I get down. I get up. I get down. I get up. I get down.
"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?"