Tuesday, January 25, 2011

P4E.200 People Pleaser 2

"you were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light. (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth.)" Ephesians 5:8-9

What was left unsaid in the last post is this:

When the wheels did start to come off my marriage; when my wife started to share the problems we were having in our marriage with others, some people were fooled by my act. Although I don't think I was acting intentionally (my wife may think differently), the fact is that some of our friends were loathe to believe that I could act as awful as my wife was portraying. This made it difficult for my wife to convince others that I was the cause of our marital problems.

I have seen other men, who I believe are acting intentionally, pull off the same con-game. I've seen men even pit their children against their mother by pouring on the nice-guy charm. A husband may continue to go to church after his wife has refused to accompany him so that he can look like the good guy and make the case to anyone who will listen that his wife "is crazy, has issues, is unreasonable, has unreal expectations, is not behaving like a good Christian wife should, is the real cause of all the problems," etc.

What the wives say is that this is "crazy-making" for them. It sets up a situation where one person is truly good, but the other has all the appearance of it. If we husbands know that we are doing this and doing it purposefully, it is not only hypocritical, it is shamefully sinful.

I've come to the realization that I must BE good, on the inside, and NOT TRY to have the appearance of good. Sometimes I want to think that it's what others think of me that matters. In the end, it's NOT AT ALL what matters. What truly matters is what God thinks of me. And He knows and notices all. He's given me good help in my wife. We are ONE. So, what she thinks of me truly matters to me. Finally, to be true to myself, to live with my own conscience and maintain my own self-esteem, what I think of me truly matters to me.

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