Tuesday, June 5, 2007

P4E.026 Horse Sense 4

"I'm analyzing her. I'm reading things she wants to tell me."
Clinton Anderson about the horse he is training

I've come to the realization that I don't know my wife well enough. I want to write a book about her. Not for publishing purposes, but for my own. So that I can research her. Study her. Analyze her. Become an expert about her. She's the most important person in my life. I bound my destiny to hers when I married her. We are "one" in that sense. But, I don't know her like I know myself. And this is after what will be 30 years of marriage in December.

We have a friend who told us that after over 20 years of marriage she realized that her husband did not know what her favorite donut is. (Quick, do you know your wife's favorite?) I don't want to be in that boat. Obviously, there are other, even more important things to know about my wife.

You see, Clinton Anderson is analyzing the horse, is reading the thing that she wants to tell him because:
he's interested.
he's motivated.
he wants to know how she thinks.
he wants to know what she's trying to tell him.
he wants to be an effective leader.
he wants to become one with her.
he wants to gain her respect.
All are good reasons why we should analyze our wives and read the thing she's trying to tell us.

In his "Discovery Seminar" Ken Nair describes a language that is foreign to us men. We don't naturally understand it, but we must if we are to communicate effectively with our wives and other women in our lives. It's called "Womanese." It's vocabulary is emotional/spiritual. When we get to know Womanese, our wives are more understandable and their ways less mysterious. I always knew understanding a foreign language would be useful!

Peace, Kim


  1. followed a link from ESI's blog over - interesting entry and a hearty "good for you"! and one for your wife too for being willing to continue on.

    "Womanese"? It seems strange that two creatures, made in the image of God, would need to learn other languages to communicate. Why do you think this is so?

  2. Halfmom, welcome! Yes, my wife deserves it.

    I've come to believe that God created the differences in men and women and that they are meant to be a blessing. God forsaw the fall of man and created for him a "help." As part of the fall, men's ability to communicate in a spiritual way was hampered by his emphasis on his flesh. Part of the "help" that women provide is that they are more in tune with their spirits and speak more with a spiritual/emotional language: "womanese".

    As an example, when a wife says to her husband "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you would die. Why don't you spend more time with me and the kids?" it defies a logic that we men overlay on the words. We don't naturally see these statements as a cry for attention.

    That's a start. Come again!