Tuesday, October 9, 2007

P4E.044 2 Steps Back

I've told you before that this blog is not about me having arrived and telling you how it should be. They are at least part confessional. For all of my high-falutin', philosophical writing, I can really blow it when the rubber meets the road, in the "real world." Sometimes the process of becoming Christlike seems like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I took about 10 steps back last week. Here's how it happened:

A single, female, co-worker asked me for help because her car was in the shop. She said she would pay for my lunch if I would take her to get hers. So, we went to a sandwich shop together and had lunch. This was a profound lapse in my judgement. I potentially could have compromised her reputation, my reputation and most of all, Christ's reputation. I did not adequately consider my wife's opinion and feelings about the situation. I did not consider the past track record I have with my wife and that I do not (and might never) have her complete trust. Sure, I know that my intentions and her intentions were innocent, but the appearance of it could be misinterpreted. I did not consider my position as a married man and role-model/counsellor to many and how it could be damaged by the appearance of going to lunch with an single, female co-worker. And, it must be true that every extra-marital affair starts with a "first step." The fact is, I rushed to be "helpful" and to look like a "good guy," when in reality I could have figured out a bunch of ways to help which would leave intact my wife's feelings, my co-worker's reputation, my reputation and Christ's reputation.

I have heard the stories about how Billy Graham would never even be alone in an elevator with a woman, to keep his reputation (and Christ's) unvarnished. He would not close the door to his office if there was a woman inside. I guess I've never considered myself in Billy Graham's league, but I am married and I am a role-model/counsellor to others. Thinking about it now, I would never counsel another husband that it would be a good idea to go to lunch alone with a female co-worker.

So, it's 2 (10?) steps back....I've apologized to my wife and asked for her forgiveness, which she's given. But the new track record I was trying to create has been de-railed and it's going to take some time to get it re-aligned and re-connected. Some "mistakes" (this one in judgement) have greater consequences than others. Hope we can all learn by my mistakes. I'm sure that there's more to this story than I have talked about here. I'm not trying to trivialize it by being brief. More to follow...

Peace, Kim

1 comment:

  1. Kim,
    I don't see that one time as a big deal, though I know that one thing can lead to another. I debated Dan Brennan once on his blog (see my links) taking your side of the issue.

    Of course each situation is different I think, according both to the people and circumstances. In general though, I do see eye to eye with you on this. It's just my conviction that if it's an exception to the rule whether or not we could have come up with a better solution, then I just don't think it's worth feeling derailed over. But I speak for myself.