Tuesday, April 8, 2008

P4E.065 Stating the Obvious

(4th in a series on predator patterning)

We've been talking about predator patterning. The fact is that predators are violent. They hunt, stalk, chase, attack, kill and eat for their own selfish purposes.

I know that I'm going to enter a controversial area here. It's dangerous anytime one tries to make generalizations, stereotypes, or broad brush statements about groups. There's always an exception to the rule and few people rejoice at the idea that they can be categorized in any way. Nevertheless, like me, you've probably heard at one time or another of man/woman relationships referred to as predator/prey relationships. Some men relish the thought of being perceived as a predator, while others are offended by it.

Some women revolt at and resent the idea that they might be perceived as prey. Still, other womens' experience warrants the description. According to the website, www.endabuse.org:

+ Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey.

+ Nearly 25 percent of American women report being raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date at some time in their lifetime, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, conducted from November 1995 to May 1996.

+ It is estimated that up to three million American women are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year.

I'm going to state the obvious: It is unacceptable for a man to physically or sexually abuse a woman or a child. You may think that since I'm writing mostly to Christian husbands and fathers I shouldn't have to state the obvious. The Barna Group's polls tell us that about 42% of the American population identifies itself as "born-again Christian." We might conclude that there are 1.26 million men per year who physically or sexually abuse their wives and girlfriends and identify themselves as "Christians." One is too many.

In future posts we'll discuss pre-physical/emotional/spiritual abuse as well, but I thought we should state the obvious first. I hope that this post doesn't apply to you. But, if the shoe fits.......

Your Ally in the Pursuit of Christlikeness, Kim


  1. A really important issue. One I've come to think of from both sides. And so I'll state something that might also be controversial. I've come to feel that the victims (this doesn't count for children) often invite predators. They seem to communicate, "You can step over this line and I won't stop you." And then they prove it by letting the predator step over the line.

    Coming from a background where there was all kinds of abuse, I say this partly from observation. And, growing up, I had to come to terms with a victim mentality that was all to easily about to be handed down to me.

    I appreciate that you bring these things up, sticky as they are.

  2. LL,

    Yes, I understand that. I wonder if the next to last paragraph of the next post sheds any light on this?