Wednesday, April 22, 2009

P4E.105 Dreams

Susan Boyle has received a lot of well-earned attention for her courageous singing on "Britain's Got Talent." When I heard her sing, it reminded me of seeing Les Miserables in Los Angeles and the lyrics of the song that Susan Boyle sang, "I Dreamed a Dream." I found the lyrics by Alain Boublil and post them here for you:

[Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute]
"There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."

These heartbreaking lyrics remind me of the verse in Malachi, "...the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously..."

I know that not all men treat women treacherously, but enough do that these lyrics strike a chord in many women's hearts. I pray that we are not among those who tear women's hopes apart, make their lives hell and kill their dreams.
Peace, Kim

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

P4E.104 CURSES!!!

"D#@n" It!!" "D**n It!!" "D##n It!!"

My own shouted words rang in my ears. I was in the backyard. It was early. Maybe the neighbors didn't hear. We were in a hurry to leave. Ben's first big horse show. The screen on the back sliding door had become jammed. I had removed it and stood it up by the storage unit. The wind had come up and blown it over onto a fence. The fence tore a hole in the screen. That made me angry. It's a tall screen so I was sure it would be expensive to fix. I don't need that right now. It seemed like just another thing that had gone wrong that morning to slow me down, distract me and get me more agitated on an important day.

"D#@n" It!!" "D**n It!!" "D##n It!!"

Inside, Gwen and Ben did hear me. When I came back in, Ben averted his eyes and Gwen gave me a "what the heck was that about?" look. I told her the story, but she didn't look convinced. She reminded me that this was a big day for Ben and that he didn't need my drama to upset or distract him. "Oh yeah," I thought, "I have a track record of doing this on big days, don't I?." "Why do I do that?" I started to get really upset with myself, but I caught myself. That would be the next step in a bad track record. It would start to be all about me. So, I stopped and apologized to Gwen and Ben and told Ben that I was wrong to do anything that would get him down or distracted on his big day.

Later, Gwen tried to get me to see the damage that I do when I have these outbursts. "When the screen falls and gets torn, you can see that damage." (When I looked at it again, it turned out to be a relatively small tear. Something that I easily blew out of proportion.) "The thing that you don't see the emotional/spiritual damage that you do to Ben." "You also set an incredibly bad example for him that he WILL follow."

All true. I do wonder what it would be like if the emotional/spiritual wounds that we give and receive left visible scars on our bodies? Gwen reminded me that this goes back to the idea that "people are more important than things!" If I value the stupid screen door so much that I curse and swear when it gets torn at the same time I am under-valuing Ben's and Gwen's spirits. How many times do I have to learn that lesson?

It pains me to drag all of this out into the light. To expose it. I'm embarrassed by it. But, if you can learn by my mistakes, so much the better. Sometimes, I read my own previous blog postings. I can't believe that I'm the guy that wrote those things... How did I forget so quickly? Who do I think I am to write this stuff? If I can reason and write it out, why can't I follow my own advice?

Vowing to do better! Kim