(I'm going to take a break from the predator/prey series to comment on current events.)
On May 6, 1937 the enormous German zeppelin, Hindenburg, exploded as it landed at New Jersey. As he watched the disaster unfold before his eyes, reporter Herbert Morrison spontaneously burst into tears and cried "Oh, the humanity!"
I've been experiencing the same feelings as I've seen and heard about the natural disasters in Myanmar, Chile, the American midwest and China. 46 people died in the Hindenburg disaster. Literally tens of thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of people have lost their lives to these natural disasters over the last couple of weeks. Oh, the humanity!
Some of us may feel a bit helpless in the face of such disaster. I know I have in the past. Yes, we can donate some money to aid relief to the affected areas. Some more action oriented among us are actually prepared to physically go to the points of disaster. But, for most of us these disasters form a backdrop as we carry on with our normal, everyday lives. We should really be disturbed.
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced."
―Obi-Wan Kenobi, referring to the destruction of Alderaan
I'm thinking, what if I were one of the "lucky" ones who survived a natural disaster? Stripped of everything. Right down to my flesh and bones. What's left? Even my body will someday die. What I'm learning is that my spirit is eternal. My spirit is what is of real consequence. I can affect my own spirit and the spirits of others.
When I see these disasters happen now, yes I say, "There but for the grace of God go I," but it also motivates me to do what I can to positively affect the lives of others in my own sphere of influence. I am not helpless there.
Am I making the ground shake by my temper? Am I a great wind that wreaks havoc all around me by my presence and personality? Do people feel like they're drowning in great waves of anxiety when I'm around? Do I bring a cloud of confusion like a volcano spews ash into the air? Do people feel fear, helplessness and hurt when I'm around, or do I bring peace, clarity and healing wherever I go? I have been known to do the former. I'm working on doing more of the latter.
Peace, Kim
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
P4E.070 Slow Down!
(10th in a series on predator patterning)
Predators act instinctively. They count on their nature to move quickly. Thinking slows them down. The scenarios that I described of how to put others first, especially when I must sacrifice to do so, in the last post were predicated on being in a hurry, running late and acting on instinct. When we are in a hurry, we act like predators towards others whom we perceive to be slowing us down. So, to counterbalance my predator patterning, I need to:
Step 2: Slow Down!
The old adage is "Time is money." As Believers we need to challenge the old adages. Are our values worldly or godly? I know the analogy breaks down somewhere, but:
If we are to be like Christ
and Christ is God
and God is infinite
and therefore time is inconsequential to Him
what value should we give to time?
I know I need to be careful here. For some of us, our wives believe that we are too slow. Some of us are procrastinators and are slow to make decisions or outright indecisive. This causes "crises" to "erupt" at a later time, which then must be addressed in haste. So, some of us actually need to hurry up so that we can slow down.
Which brings me to strategies for implementing Step 2: Slow Down!
1st strategy: Remove the causes of being in a hurry. This means planning. This means staying on top of necessary commitments so that they don't pile up. This means leaving earlier to arrive on time. This means stopping procrastination. This means work.
2nd strategy: Attitude adjustment. We need to stop deluding ourselves into thinking that because we're good Christian people that nothing is going to go wrong! We don't deserve, nor should we expect, trouble free lives. I'm sorry to use the hackneyed phrase "paradigm shift," but that is what we're talking about here. A shift in the way we view time. A shift in the way we react to circumstances. This is an exercise in patience (a fruit of the spirit).
Two places where I know I have to slow down are with my words and with my anger (impatience). To my shame, I would pounce (another predator term) on my wife's and my children's mistakes. I would correct something my wife would say in public, in front of others, causing her great embarrassment. I would become angry and impatient with my children if they were not ready to leave for church (or any other function) on time. What irony!! What hypocrisy!!
"A quick-tempered man acts foolishly..."
"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly."
"But, let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
When I slow down, I have time to think. I gain wisdom and understanding. I'm less likely to become angry. I stop acting predatory. I avoid being a fool.
Your Ally in the Pursuit of Christlikeness, Kim
Step 2: Slow Down!
The old adage is "Time is money." As Believers we need to challenge the old adages. Are our values worldly or godly? I know the analogy breaks down somewhere, but:
If we are to be like Christ
and Christ is God
and God is infinite
and therefore time is inconsequential to Him
what value should we give to time?
I know I need to be careful here. For some of us, our wives believe that we are too slow. Some of us are procrastinators and are slow to make decisions or outright indecisive. This causes "crises" to "erupt" at a later time, which then must be addressed in haste. So, some of us actually need to hurry up so that we can slow down.
Which brings me to strategies for implementing Step 2: Slow Down!
1st strategy: Remove the causes of being in a hurry. This means planning. This means staying on top of necessary commitments so that they don't pile up. This means leaving earlier to arrive on time. This means stopping procrastination. This means work.
2nd strategy: Attitude adjustment. We need to stop deluding ourselves into thinking that because we're good Christian people that nothing is going to go wrong! We don't deserve, nor should we expect, trouble free lives. I'm sorry to use the hackneyed phrase "paradigm shift," but that is what we're talking about here. A shift in the way we view time. A shift in the way we react to circumstances. This is an exercise in patience (a fruit of the spirit).
Two places where I know I have to slow down are with my words and with my anger (impatience). To my shame, I would pounce (another predator term) on my wife's and my children's mistakes. I would correct something my wife would say in public, in front of others, causing her great embarrassment. I would become angry and impatient with my children if they were not ready to leave for church (or any other function) on time. What irony!! What hypocrisy!!
"A quick-tempered man acts foolishly..."
"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly."
"But, let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
When I slow down, I have time to think. I gain wisdom and understanding. I'm less likely to become angry. I stop acting predatory. I avoid being a fool.
Your Ally in the Pursuit of Christlikeness, Kim
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
P4E.069 We Are Different From Animals
(8th in a series on predator patterning)
"It's a common complaint among animal researchers. Whenever they find a mental skill in a species that is reminiscent of a special human ability, the human cognition scientists change the definition."
Inside Animal Minds, By Virginia Morell, National Geographic, March 2008
What still separates us is our developed language, our ability to communicate in both written and verbal form about the past, present and future and "the extra layer of imagination and explanation that provides the running mental narrative accompanying our actions." (ibid.)
In the end, I hope that one more way we are different from animals is that we can believe in a Creator and respond to that belief by being self-aware enough to purposefully change the way we think, act and talk. I am not a rat in a maze whose pattern never alters until the day he dies.
Last weekend I heard a radio preacher vehemently preaching on Galatians 2:16. I'm not writing here about whether we are "justified" by "works" or "faith." I'm writing about the process of becoming a new creature because we BELIEVE. Don't be confused.
So...How does it happen? How do we move away from the destructive predator patterning that I've been chronicling?
First, we must overcome our initial defensiveness that causes us to deflect the criticism that we are acting like predators. Many of us husbands eventually (or initially) get to the place where we want to blame our wives for our problems. "Why should I change? Why shouldn't she change?" To paraphrase horse trainer Clinton Anderson:
"To change your wife, you must first change yourself.
To change yourself, you must first change your attitude."
Remember, the predator attitude is SELFISH. So, here's the challenge:
Step 1: Purpose to let others go first. Especially when I must sacrifice to do so.
It looks like this:
Inside Animal Minds, By Virginia Morell, National Geographic, March 2008
What still separates us is our developed language, our ability to communicate in both written and verbal form about the past, present and future and "the extra layer of imagination and explanation that provides the running mental narrative accompanying our actions." (ibid.)
In the end, I hope that one more way we are different from animals is that we can believe in a Creator and respond to that belief by being self-aware enough to purposefully change the way we think, act and talk. I am not a rat in a maze whose pattern never alters until the day he dies.
Last weekend I heard a radio preacher vehemently preaching on Galatians 2:16. I'm not writing here about whether we are "justified" by "works" or "faith." I'm writing about the process of becoming a new creature because we BELIEVE. Don't be confused.
So...How does it happen? How do we move away from the destructive predator patterning that I've been chronicling?
First, we must overcome our initial defensiveness that causes us to deflect the criticism that we are acting like predators. Many of us husbands eventually (or initially) get to the place where we want to blame our wives for our problems. "Why should I change? Why shouldn't she change?" To paraphrase horse trainer Clinton Anderson:
"To change your wife, you must first change yourself.
To change yourself, you must first change your attitude."
Remember, the predator attitude is SELFISH. So, here's the challenge:
Step 1: Purpose to let others go first. Especially when I must sacrifice to do so.
It looks like this:
I'm in a hurry.
I arrive at a queue at the grocery store, bank, fast food place
at about the same time or just in front of someone else.
I let them go in front of me.
I'm late for an appointment.
I sense that the person driving next to me wants to squeeze himself in the impossibly short distance between me and the car in front of me, with never a turn signal.
I back off and let him in.
My wife has an idea that is contrary to one that I have.
I have very good, logical, well thought-out reasons why my ideas are superior.
I freely sacrifice my idea and get behind hers.
And so on....
"But when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, `Friend, move up higher'...For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 14:10-11
Your Ally in the Pursuit of Christlikeness, Kim
PS - Interesting fact: A group of lions, the definitive predator, is called a "pride."
I arrive at a queue at the grocery store, bank, fast food place
at about the same time or just in front of someone else.
I let them go in front of me.
I'm late for an appointment.
I sense that the person driving next to me wants to squeeze himself in the impossibly short distance between me and the car in front of me, with never a turn signal.
I back off and let him in.
My wife has an idea that is contrary to one that I have.
I have very good, logical, well thought-out reasons why my ideas are superior.
I freely sacrifice my idea and get behind hers.
And so on....
"But when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, `Friend, move up higher'...For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 14:10-11
Your Ally in the Pursuit of Christlikeness, Kim
PS - Interesting fact: A group of lions, the definitive predator, is called a "pride."
Link to: What I Learned From Animals
Link to: High Calling Blogs
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
P4E.068 Selfish
(7th in a series on predator patterning)
I've been writing about the overt aspects of predator patterning that may seem obvious to you (or maybe not). Even though they may be obvious, these patterns are not easily interrupted.
There are more subtle aspects of predator patterning that are less obvious, but more universal. At its heart, predator behavior is selfish. The predator attitude is, "I come first at your expense." It is an intensely natural patterning. The patterning is like this:
- My survival comes first.
My priorities, values, desires, attitudes, thoughts, ideas and comfort must survive at the expense of yours.
- I cannot control my emotions or aggressiveness.
They are my unchangeable nature.
- I act on instinct before I think. Thinking slows me down.
- I look for weakness and exploit it when I find it.
- I can be sneaky or I can be blatant. Whatever it takes to win.
- My focus is acute. I'm intense.
- I'm a straight-line thinker. I'm very predictable. I'm not very creative.
- Fear me. I can and will hurt you.
- I will not retreat unless I fail. I do not accept failure easily.
Although this patterning is inwardly focused (selfish) it is usually not self-aware. In other words, because it comes so naturally, we don't know we're doing it when we're doing it. Guys, if you are doubting that you act out in this patterning, the best way to find out is to ask the one closest to you. Ask your wife. Read her answer. If she is uncomfortable, she may avoid answering the question, which in itself provides the answer. If you are one of the fortunate, your wife may comfortably answer "No, you don't act that way towards me. I just can't stand it. You give too much."
Whatever the answer, I encourage you to listen and not to speak. Don't get defensive. We're on a reconnaissance mission, not engaging in battle.
Some of us already know the answer. We don't need help to know that we are selfish by nature. Some of us know and want to change. So the next question is, "How can I interrupt this pattern?" I promise to start addressing the answer in the next post.
In the mean time, here's another provocative question:
"Are there any important parts of my life where I believe that acting like a predator is beneficial and/or necessary?"
Peace, Kim
I've been writing about the overt aspects of predator patterning that may seem obvious to you (or maybe not). Even though they may be obvious, these patterns are not easily interrupted.
There are more subtle aspects of predator patterning that are less obvious, but more universal. At its heart, predator behavior is selfish. The predator attitude is, "I come first at your expense." It is an intensely natural patterning. The patterning is like this:
- My survival comes first.
My priorities, values, desires, attitudes, thoughts, ideas and comfort must survive at the expense of yours.
- I cannot control my emotions or aggressiveness.
They are my unchangeable nature.
- I act on instinct before I think. Thinking slows me down.
- I look for weakness and exploit it when I find it.
- I can be sneaky or I can be blatant. Whatever it takes to win.
- My focus is acute. I'm intense.
- I'm a straight-line thinker. I'm very predictable. I'm not very creative.
- Fear me. I can and will hurt you.
- I will not retreat unless I fail. I do not accept failure easily.
Although this patterning is inwardly focused (selfish) it is usually not self-aware. In other words, because it comes so naturally, we don't know we're doing it when we're doing it. Guys, if you are doubting that you act out in this patterning, the best way to find out is to ask the one closest to you. Ask your wife. Read her answer. If she is uncomfortable, she may avoid answering the question, which in itself provides the answer. If you are one of the fortunate, your wife may comfortably answer "No, you don't act that way towards me. I just can't stand it. You give too much."
Whatever the answer, I encourage you to listen and not to speak. Don't get defensive. We're on a reconnaissance mission, not engaging in battle.
Some of us already know the answer. We don't need help to know that we are selfish by nature. Some of us know and want to change. So the next question is, "How can I interrupt this pattern?" I promise to start addressing the answer in the next post.
In the mean time, here's another provocative question:
"Are there any important parts of my life where I believe that acting like a predator is beneficial and/or necessary?"
Peace, Kim
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