P4E.195 No Help Wanted

I've learned that unusual circumstances provide opportunities to test my own ability to respond, to learn something about myself and that they prompt me to ask important questions. Here's a recent unusual circumstance:

I went to Lowes and used the self-checkout there. There's always an employee ready to assist if you need help. I had purchased some bottled waters and selected the "Skip Bagging" option because it was a heavy item. This time the machine prompted "Assistance Needed to Approve Skipped Bagging." The checker came over and did the approval.

I intended to pay part with cash and part with my debit card. I inserted the cash and was prompted to pay the balance. At this point, the checker noticed that I was doing some extra steps and approached again. Without speaking, he took my debit card from me and slid it through the machine. I didn't exactly know what he was doing, or why he was doing it, so I didn't object. He directed me, "Enter your PIN number," which I did. When the machine prompted, "Cash Back?" he reached in front of me and pressed "No." When the machine prompted, "Is This the Correct Amount?" he pressed "Yes." When the machine prompted, "Take Your Receipt," he took the receipt out and handed it to me with my debit card. Without a word, he went back to his post. This all took a matter of seconds and since I was unsure why he was doing what he was doing, I never objected.

As I walked out of the store, I tried to figure out what had just happened. And then it hit me. "I think he thought I was so old that I needed help." (I'm in my mid-50's, but I don't think I look THAT old!) And then, "He made decisions for me. They WERE the decisions I would have made anyway, but he presumed that I did not want cash back." "He thought I was helpless and dull and slow. He did not ask me any questions, he just assumed that I needed help and took over." "Why didn't I stop him and tell him his help wasn't necessary?" "I guess I just didn't want to be rude. I just let him go ahead and help me even though I didn't really need his help. Whatever."

How did it make me feel? Well, frankly, a little embarrassed at first. Do I really look that old and helpless? Then some indignation set in. "He did not ask me if I needed help or if I wanted cash back or any questions at all." The way he took over the decision-making made me feel bullied." I felt robbed of my opportunities to make decisions. Ultimately, I felt ignored and left-out.

I'm also learning that these unusual physical circumstances are allowed by God to teach me spiritual lessons. These emotions affect my spirit and have spiritual consequences. Most importantly, I've learned to ask myself if I've made others (especially my wife) feel these same emotions. Almost every time now, when I ask my wife if I have made her feel an emotion, she smiles and says "Of course you have. Do you remember when...?" and she will describe situations where I've made her feel embarrassed, indignant, bullied, robbed, ignored and left-out.

"Ah! It makes me feel awful to know that I've made you feel those things. I KNOW now how that feels. I'm soooo sorry! Please forgive me! I'll try my best to not make you feel those things ever again."

Unless the hurt is too deep and takes more than a little time to heal, she is usually so gracious to accept my apology and forgive me. This is how it works. This is what I'm talking about.

Happy New Year!

P4E.194 Happy Anniversary to Gwen and Me

33 years ago today, I married my wonderful wife, Gwen.

She was and is the most beautiful person in the world to me.

Gwen has been an incredible help to me in getting well.

I owe her an unpayable debt of gratitude for helping get and stay on track.

God Bless her for being such a wonderful wife and mother to our sons.

Happy Anniversary, Gwen!

P4E.193 Ignorance and Want

In Dickens's classic A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Present introduces Ebenezer Scrooge to "two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable," and explains to Scrooge, "This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom..."

I've always been fascinated with these creatures. Dickens has portrayed them as pitiful, yet powerful offspring of Men. In their visible form they represent the result of Ignorance and Want, and are to be pitied. But, Dickens warns us to beware them both for the Doom that they represent.

A Christmas Carol was first published in 1843, yet Dickens's warning about Ignorance and Want remains fresh. Every year, we Men beget new children named Ignorance and Want and in this case we want to exercise some population control.

To begin, let us ask, "Ignorance of what?" For, we do not know what we do not know. If we say that Ignorance is a lack of knowledge, then how do we begin to attain the knowledge that we need to dispel the wretchedness of Ignorance? We Believers have a place to turn to for answers to such questions. Proverbs 1:7 says "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction." Later Proverbs 15:33 says, "The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility."

I know that the current trend in writing is toward open-endedness and away from blatancy. Teachers are now "facilitators" and the tendency is away from receiving instruction from authorities. However, Scripture is the Supreme Authority and I will not despise its instruction.

If I am to dispel Ignorance and gain knowledge and wisdom, I must respect God by regarding others, in all humility, as more important than I. This is, in fact, the message to Scrooge from the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Secondly, let us ask, "Who's Want?" and "What do they Want?" This reminds me of the question that the lawyer asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?" and also the question the Cain asks God, "Am I my brother's keeper?" I think the answer may sound cynical, but the truthful answer to "Who's Want?" is "Anybody but me." This would be in keeping with the humility demanded by dispelling Ignorance. And the answer to "What do they Want?" may come down to "Anything that I have." This answer would echo Jesus' "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."

It may be helpful if we expand the answer to "What do they Want?" to these three simple things: Health, Security, and Dignity. By these I mean that, for their health's sake, no one should be denied food, clean water and shelter. No one should live in fear of another man or men. We should do everything in our power to shield the innocent from the harm of malicious men. As children made in the image of God, all of mankind has, for the asking, the dignity that the blood of Christ imbues. We Believers should be instrumental, as God's ambassadors, in providing these.

These are hard sayings. But, they do define the Believer's Way.

Happy Christmas!

P4E.192 Note to Self: IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!

Kim,

A note to self: Please remember IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! You have spiritually wrecked so many of them that I think it's wise and necessary to give you some reminders:

1. The word "holiday" is derived from the Old English word hāligdæg meaning "holy day." Please try to remember this original meaning in your attitude during the holidays. Your attitude is everything. You can make the holidays bright and cheerful or (as you've done so many times before) make them dark and unpleasant for everyone around you.
2. Please remember to value "People Over Things." It's so easy to get caught up in the capitalism of the times (remember the signs people were holding at the Seattle Christmas tree lighting ceremony that said "BUY MORE STUFF!"?) that you need to remember what's important. The spirits of your wife and children first.
3. Watch what you do with your eyes. The ladies are all dressed up to attract attention even more during the holidays. The mall is a particularly obvious place where both advertising and the lady shoppers themselves scream for attention. Please remember that you are a married man and also Jesus' words "that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." That is not what you want for the holidays (or any other time for that matter).
4. You have a tendency to be angry, frustrated and impatient. Period. The stress of the holidays increases this tendency. Being in crowds of people increases this tendency. Being tired increases this tendency. Your perceived lack of money increases this tendency. Driving during the holidays increases this tendency. Being in a hurry increases this tendency. When things don't go as planned or go completely wrong increases this tendency. Remember "He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly." Stay calm. Be flexible. Go with the flow. Go back to reminder #2.
5. Slow down. Be fully present wherever you are. Don't try to multi-task (like talking on the phone, texting, or reading) when you're supposed to be having a good time with your family and friends. Give them your full attention so that they know how much you care about them. Don't be thinking about what comes next. They go by quickly, so enjoy the moment at hand.
6. Speed up. You tend to lollygag. There's a lot to do and get done before and during the holidays. Don't dawdle! Don't procrastinate. If you want the holidays to be meaningful, then there's a lot of planning that you should have already done by now. So, get to it.
7. Guard your heart and spirit. Guard the hearts and spirits of your family. Kim, you can be lazy and when you're lazy you stop being diligent. You get dull and callous. You need to step up your protection mode of your own spirit and that of your wife and children. As much as possible, you need to step in front of things, places, people, and circumstances that have the potential to harm the enjoyment of the holidays and shield those you hold dear from them.
8. Be Happy! Remember the line in "A Charlie Brown Christmas." "...you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem...Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest." Well, that's you! So, focus on the positive and be happy!
9. Stay connected with your wife. You need to keep her informed of your plans. You can get distracted by visitors and forget that you're supposed to be helping her. If you're out together stay together. Don't get pulled away by other people or things. You need to stay in contact so she knows where you are and who you're with and what you're doing. Remember, you and she are ONE.
10. Keep the Christ in Christmas. As Dickens said, Honor Christmas in your heart throughout the holidays and beyond. Live in the Past, the Present and the Future and let the Spirits of all three strive within you. Don't shut out the lessons that they teach.

(If you get anything out of my Note to Self, so much the better. God Bless.)