P4E.227 Love = Self Sacrifice Part 4

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love."

Albus Dumbledore

Before we move on, let me just say one more thing about how I think the Church may be leading us astray and then I'll try to stop church bashing.

This is going to be a hard thing to say without sounding heretical to some, but here goes. It seems to me that the Church has overemphasized The Messenger and under-emphasized The Message. Please don't misunderstand. I don't mean to minimize Christ or His redemptive work on the cross. It's just that His very presence here on Earth embodied a Message. How He lived and what He said and how He died all embody a Message that I believe has been minimized in favor of focusing on The Messenger. The Church is so engrossed in getting people to "accept Christ into their hearts" so that they can be "saved," that it can't see the forest through the trees. The Church is so busy trying to insist upon the inerrancy of Scripture, the virgin birth and the Deity of Christ, that The Message of God and Scripture to us has been lost!

You may ask, what Message are you talking about?

The Message I'm talking about is Love = Self Sacrifice.

I won't quote Scripture at you, but here are a few examples of The Message:

- Jesus' incarnation. He sacrificed His spiritual Deity to become a man.
- Jesus tells us that the first shall be last and the last shall be first.
- Jesus tells us that if someone robs us of our shirt we should give him our coat as well.
- Jesus tells the rich young ruler to give all he has to the poor and follow Him.
- Jesus tells us that we must become like children (without rights or status) to receive the kingdom of God.
- Jesus tells us that we must be "born again" (without rights or status) to see the kingdom of God.
- Paul tells us that he was crucified with Christ (sacrificing his own life in the process).
- Jesus says if someone slaps you on the cheek, give him the other as well.
- Paul says that when he is weak, then he is strong.
- John the Baptist says of Christ, "He must increase, but I must decrease."
- Jesus taught that he who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world shall keep it to life eternal.
- Paul discourages lawsuits saying "why not rather be wronged?"
- Jesus taught that there is no greater love than that one lay down his life for his friends. And then He did it.

I could go on for a very long time. These may be trite examples to you. But, taken together they form an incredible Message that leads you back again and again to the idea that

Love = Self Sacrifice

Jesus inextricably equated belief with obedience and change. So, if we don't practice The Messenger's Message, where does that leave us? And, that question brings us to "how?"

More to follow...

P4E.226 Love = Self Sacrifice Part 3

I ended the last post with: "This is where the Christian church is missing the boat and the point. There is simply no teaching on how to practice self-sacrificial, Christlike, love on a day-by-day basis. What would that look like? How would I act if I were to be self-less in my attitude? How could I correct my spirit so that I had others' interest at heart ahead of my own? What words would begin to come out of my mouth as a result? Do I even want to know?"

My friend, David Taylor, added a couple more questions:

"Am I aware of how that is going to feel when I am sacrificial?" and
"Do I know what resistance to sacrifice will hit me, what rationalizations and justifications will thwart the voice of love?"

That last question of Dave's really strikes at the heart of the problem. Our sense of self-preservation is a strong force. We don't want to talk or hear about selflessness. We don't want to die! What would be the point in that? What would be the point of dying to myself? Isn't it true that nice guys finish last? How would it help my wife or my children if I let others run over me? Won't I just be seen as a wimp? A loser? Sometimes we forget that we have a true Enemy. Yes, you know the One I'm talking about. His name starts with "S." That's right. It's Self.

Not only is our our own sense of self-preservation strong, the Christian Church wittingly or unwittingly also rises to our defense! The Church has misguidedly fused the American ideal of rugged independence and Charlie Sheen's "winning" attitude creating a new brand of self-promoting Christianity to disastrous effect.

If you listen to mainstream Christian pundits, you'll hear that as Christian men, we're to be "purpose driven" and "wild at heart." If you listen to some pastors, we need to be "manly Christian men"; macho, self-reliant, self-confident, independent, and driven. Consciously, or unconsciously, men are encouraged from the pulpit to combine these character qualities with being a "Christian." It's madness and has resulted in sexism, hubris, misogyny, aimlessness and confusion in "Christian" men. Worse yet, it leaves the men of the Christian Church without a clue as to the very thing that Jesus said would distinguish them from the world.

More to follow...

P4E.225 Love = Self Sacrifice Part 2

                                                      Photo by mmira on flickr

As a reminder, this blog is directed towards husbands who are Believers and earnestly pursuing Christlikeness. So, this topic of Love = Self-Sacrifice is directed towards them.

The topic of love is ancient and universal. So much of what we deep down believe is important has to do with love. Stories and novels and art and poetry and music and even some wars revolve around love. And yet, we men are so inept with "love," what it means to "fall in love," to "be in love," to "express love," to "love our wives as Christ loves the Church." I guess we know how to "make love," but, even then, we probably confuse "making love" with "having sex."

Love = Self Sacrifice is definitely upper level math that most of us can't fathom.

Sometimes it's frustrating to listen to pastors sermonize about love. Mainstream Christians have been told not to pay attention to their feelings. So, Heaven forbid that we approach love as a feeling! But, in this case, I do agree that love has to be defined as more than a feeling. Many times pastors will speak about love from the pulpit assuming that the people in the congregation are all on the same page when he uses the word "love."

It used to be that when I would hear about "self-sacrificial love" I would think in terms of throwing myself on a live grenade to save my wife. Of course I would do that. If push came to shove, if it were her or me, I would bite the bullet. So, if I tucked that idea, that I would take a bullet for my wife, away in the recesses of my mind, I could console myself that I did indeed have self-sacrificial love towards my wife. See how that works? The problem is that such extreme circumstances are very rare. What about the mundane, every-day expression of self-sacrificial love?

This is where the Christian church is missing the boat and the point. There is simply no teaching on how to practice self-sacrificial, Christlike, love on a day-by-day basis. What would that look like? How would I act if I were to be self-less in my attitude? How could I correct my spirit so that I had others' interest at heart ahead of my own? What words would begin to come out of my mouth as a result? Do I even want to know?

More to follow...

P4E.224 Love = Self Sacrifice, Part 1

I'm going to presume to write about love as self-sacrifice. This is not a very popular subject. Not an easy sell. Right off the bat, if we approach this subject acknowledging that there is no perfect example of self-sacrificial love (except the obvious), that it is an ideal, a goal to shoot for, and that we will all fall short of the goal, then maybe we can talk about it. I am the least worthy to converse about self-sacrifice, because I have so little experience, but I feel compelled to write.

It seems ironic that I've always been a fan of Ayn Rand's books, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. She, who vaunted selfishness and atheism. Somehow, I was able to compartmentalize the rugged individualism that seemed to capture the American ideal away from the rest. But, one thing always stood out to me as unreal in Ayn Rand's books: her love interests. The story lines having to do with the amours of her leading characters always rang hollow. They rang hollow because she could never allow her characters to exhibit self-sacrificial love. It would contradict her ideal of selfishness. Rand had to go through such contortions to somehow portray her character's interest in each other without letting them sacrifice anything at all in each other's interest. I suppose in the end Rand had to allow her characters be satisfied with the sex.

Here's my premise: We often learn valuable lessons about a thing by understanding its opposite. Many people, when asked 'What is the opposite of love?' will respond, 'The opposite of love is hate.' I offer an alternate answer that the opposite of love is selfishness. One might also argue that the opposite of love is fear. But I believe, where love is concerned, that fear in one person is precipitated by selfishness in the other person. So, in the end I maintain my premise, that the opposite of love is selfishness. If the premise is true, then the equation Love = Self Sacrifice can define the first of the Galatians 5 fruit of the Spirit.

More to follow...