Dave, our leader at our Life Partners study, was helping one of the husbands in our group with a crisis in his marriage this week. He cut through so much and finally summarized what was going on in this fellow's life. When he did, I really identified with it and thought I would share it. It went like this:
+ I chose to become fearful.
+ I chose to refuse help.
+ I chose to blame the one who was risking to help (blame shifted).
+ I chose to abandon my help.
+ The recurring theme in the crises that come up in my marriage is: I fail to take responsibility.
There's so much here. This pattern has occurred many times in my marriage. At the heart of it is the fact that Scripture says that when God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, He created for him a "help." Someone who had his best interests at heart because she was flesh of his flesh and bones of his bones. So many of my problems stem from the fact that in spite of my wife's incredible insight, organizational skills, relational counsel, and plain good sense, I can't bring myself to accept (much less, actively seek out) her help. For so long, I have failed to take responsibility for so much and it has made my wife feel abandoned. It still happens when my flesh grabs control. It's taken me a long time to shift my attitude about her from "enemy" to "help." I see it now. God help me to keep that perspective, because she is good help.