P4E.152 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 13

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life (cont'd).

In the last post I spoke of needing help. There's good news and bad news. The good news is that with God there is always help and hope. The "bad" news is that to maintain that hope it takes hard work. Many times I am unwilling to put in that hard work.

"Work" has a bad rap in the community of Believers because we get hung up on the "salvation by grace and not by works." Understanding that we do no work to obtain salvation, I'm talking about the work that bears spiritual fruit as a result of knowing Christ and desiring to become more like Him.

Jesus said, "My Father is always working even to this day and I Myself am working."

So, here's the "work" I'm talking about:

My natural tendency is to be friendly with the world, its ways and its values. The connection I finally made is that when Scripture talks about "the flesh" it's talking about the physical world that I experience with my senses. So, the hard work I undertake is to resist my natural tendency toward my flesh and to change the way I think, act and talk so that I am systematically rejecting worldly values and embracing Godly values. This is an internal conflict and if I'm to be careful with my thought life it needs to be addressed.

Scripture puts it this way:
"...do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit, For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God...those who are in the flesh cannot please God...if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live."

My wife naturally feels safer when my mind in set on the things of the Spirit than when they are set on the things of the flesh.

Be safe, Kim

P4E.151 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 12

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life.

The stereotypical therapy scene is that of the patient lying on a couch, a tortured soul, pouring out his heart with the therapist sitting nearby looking over his glasses, down his nose and taking notes. How the tortured soul ended up on the therapist's couch is this post's topic.

In my case, I got there because I lived much of my life in my mind. I didn't talk, I didn't communicate. I didn't share. I was not "one" with my spouse. And if my wife, Gwen, were able to coax me out I would, many times, retaliate for that invasion of my "privacy" by telling her "what I really thought."

Then, I would wonder about the injustice and unfairness of the whole situation: First she wants me to talk. Then she is digusted with me when she hears what I'm thinking. The more I divulge of myself, the less she appears to like me. Gwen would tell me that my thoughts were "warped" and "not normal." It's taken me a while to realize that the "help" that the Creator gave me, my wife, was right. My thinking is 'warped' and 'not normal'.

My heart is filled with anger, impatience, frustration and twisted thoughts. The natural intent of my heart is evil. My heart does not want to understand. It is proud. It is hard and unteachable. It is troubled. It is easily deceived. It is insincere. It is slow. It is heavy. It hurts.

Scripture says, 'Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.' When my thoughts and my heart are filled with what I've described it's no wonder that when I open my mouth it pours out pain and destruction! I have been neither safe nor careful with my thoughts or my heart and my wife and children have paid the price. And, so have I. I need help to do better. I am lost and in danger and I need to be saved.

Kim

P4E. 150 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 11

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life.

After reading my self-imposed rules you might ask yourself: "Does Kim ever break his own rules?" The answer is an emphatic "YES, I DO!"

But, I stay focused on this thought: This is not about being "perfect." It's about the sincerity of my pursuit of Christlikeness. I'm trying to shorten the time between when I realize that I've blown it and when I make it right. When I say "make it right," I mean: I acknowledge I've blown it, I admit that I was wrong, I ask for forgiveness and promise to make every effort not to let it happen again. This can't be done with any shred of pride. This can't be faked. It can't be insincere. My thought life must align with my words and actions. Otherwise, I'm a hypocrite and a poser. I'm determined not to be. Care to join me in that quest?

I also want to take a moment to reiterate that many of these ideas are not my own. Many are prompted by Ken Nair, author and founder of a ministry called Life Partners in Phoenix, Arizona. Ken's book, Discovering the Mind of a Woman, (Don't laugh, that really is the title. We'll talk about why you laughed some other time) was life changing for me (and my wife, Gwen). I know that Ken would deflect all praise to God and His Word and that's what makes him and Life Partners so appreciated.

Be Careful, Kim

P4E.149 We Are Jesus Christ!

We've decided that Netflix is brilliant. Recently, we found a (for the most part) family friendly TV series of Robin Hood produced by the BBC and starring Jonas Armstrong as Robin. The second season, produced in 2007, is called "We Are Robin Hood" and is based on an exchange that happens at the end of the first episode of the season. The exchange is between Robin and his trusted friend, Much and takes place in the midst of the rest of the "Merry Men."

Much: We've learned one thing today: We will not let you go into town alone again. You might have been killed!
Robin: If I had died today...or if I die tomorrow, you will carry on without me.
Much: How? We are Robin Hood's men!
Robin: No! YOU ARE Robin Hood!
Much: What?
Robin: YOU are Robin Hood. (Now pointing to the others) And YOU are. And YOU are. All of you!
Much: (dejectedly) We're not though are we?
Robin: Listen to me. LISTEN! We are not just outlaws in the forest. We are the spirit of England and THAT is Robin Hood. And that, lads, THAT is this country's only hope.

Little John, understanding what Robin is saying, proposes a toast and the entire troupe exclaims,

"WE ARE ROBIN HOOD!"

It made me think about us as a Church and Jesus Christ. If we replaced names and a couple of details it would sound about right. Look:

Church: We've learned one thing today: We will not let you go into town alone again. You might have been killed!
Jesus: If I had died today...or if I die tomorrow, you will carry on without me.
Church: How? We are Jesus Christ's men!
Jesus: No! YOU are Jesus Christ!
Church: What?
Jesus: YOU are Jesus Christ. (Now pointing to the others) And YOU are. And YOU are. All of you!
Church: (dejectedly) We're not though are we?
Jesus: Listen to me. LISTEN! We are not just outcasts in the world. We are the spirit of God and THAT is Jesus Christ. And that, lads, THAT is this world's only hope.

Understanding what Jesus is saying, the entire Church exclaims,

"WE ARE JESUS CHRIST!"

Works for me! The differences are:

Robin Hood is a legend and Jesus is not.

Our Jesus did die, and rose into Heaven. We are left to carry on without Him; to be the spirit of God.

"WE ARE JESUS CHRIST!"

Blessings, Kim

P4E.148 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 10

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life (cont'd)

If you're like me you live a lot of your life in your mind. Here's what I've observed in myself: If I'm thinking some negative thought I usually don't have a problem expressing it somehow. My face, my body language and my voice will all reflect that I'm having a negative thought. Also, I will verbalize what I'm thinking when it's negative. It's another story when I'm thinking neutral or positive thoughts. When something pleases me I rarely let my face know. I rarely verbalize when I'm planning something or am thinking positive thoughts.

Here's an example: I want to wash one of my cars. I realize that I need soap so I take the other car and go to the store (but I don't let my wife, Gwen, know). I come home and the car I want to wash is gone! I ask Gwen 'where is the car?' She says, 'oh, Jon asked me if he could use it to go to a friend's house and I said he could.' I get angry and say, 'But, I was going to wash it!' And of course, she responds, 'Well, how was I supposed to know that?'

Here's a second example: Gwen wears a new dress and is all made up to go out with me. I see her. It pleases me and I think 'wow, Gwen looks great.' But I don't say anything. Later, I wonder why she is aloof and quiet. But, I don't ask why. Finally, she is forced to confront me by saying 'You didn't notice my new dress!' It doesn't sound very convincing when I respond 'I did notice it, it looks great, I just didn't say it!'

Sound familiar (or is it just me)?

Because of my track record of bad communication with my wife, I'm making every effort to implement some self-imposed rules:

RULE #1: When I'm having a neutral thought (like intentions or planning) or a positive thought, I speak it. I try to remember, just because I've thought something doesn't mean I've communicated it .

There is a Scriptural basis for letting those closest to me know what is going on in my mind. My example is Christ and He told His disciples:

"No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."

He spoke. He communicated. He shared His plans with those closest to Him.

I have become more self-aware because of this first rule. Before I can share my plans, I have to formulate them myself and be aware of them. Before I can speak a positive thought I have to have one. I look for positives and overlook negatives.

RULE #2: Is a restatement of "mom's rule": "If I don't have anything good to say....I don't say anything at all."

Since I 'say' things not only with my mouth, but with my face, eyes, tone of voice, body language, etc. I have to make a special effort not to convey negativity even when I don't speak it.

With this mindset, I am more aware of my natural tendency to be critical, judgmental, condemning, cynical, sarcastic, harsh, mean-spirited, finger-pointing, angry, frustrated, defensive, and just plain negative. Knowhuttahmean? I get shocked when I realize how much and how often I have this mindset. But, I'm encouraged to know that God can help me to change!

Be Safe! Kim

P4E.147 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 9

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life.

In the last post I wrote:

"...I've descended into my own thought life. I become detached. I stop communicating because I'm concentrating on the mental images and thoughts that are going through my mind. There's a struggle that goes on to maintain a facade of normalcy while my mind degenerates. I go through the physical motions while my mind is distracted and far off. I can get callous and distant."

There's a name for when this goes on in a Believer's life, it's..."poser." Jesus called this condition:

"...like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but on the inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness."

How many times has my wife told me I was:

- 'detached' (how could you not notice that?)

- 'not communicating' (we never talk!)

- 'distant' and 'distracted' (you're here but you're not here!)

- 'forgetful' (how could you forget such an important thing?)

This is another example of my being influenced by "the world's" value system. Our American culture tells us that real men are stoic, men of few words, impassive, unflappable, unemotional, violent rather than communicative, and mysterious. We are told that these are the character qualities that distinguish men from women. We are told that if we express our emotions (other than anger, impatience and frustration) and verbalize what's going on in our minds it is effeminate. And, we Believers have bought it hook line and sinker.

Given that we have adopted the world's perspective on what real men are supposed to be like, is it any wonder, then, that Scripture encourages us this way?:

'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord,'

'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind , that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.'

This means that my natural inclination to be disconnected, detached, uncommunicative, distant, forgetful and violent IS NOT pleasing to God. It also follows that my wife is right and being helpful when she points it out to me! God help me to be grateful for that help and respond by changing my ways to be more like His.

Be safe! Kim

P4E.146 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 8

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A safe man is careful with: His eyes (final)

The reason I've spent so much time on this subject is that we can gauge the emphasis of our lives by what we do with our eyes. Is the emphasis of our lives on the flesh or on the spirit?

Sometimes it's only when we try to stop looking at inappropriate things or in inappropriate ways that we realize how much we are looking and how hard it is to stop! But, as my mentor Ken Nair ( www.lifepartners.org) emphasizes: "The flesh dies...in the absence of being fed."

How much of a grip does my flesh have over me? Shouldn't it be upsetting to me, as a Believer, that it has that strong of a hold on me? What if I got to the place where I realized I wasn't strong enough to break free of that grip? I might have to acknowledge the fact that I need a Savior. That wouldn't be such a bad thing!

I've been approaching this subject with an eye on how we can be careful and safe with those closest to us. The fact is, I'm talking about self-preservation. Or should I say spirit-preservation? What I'm saying is that it's in our own spiritual best interest to be careful with what we do with our eyes.

What I've found in my own life is that when I've looked at inappropriate things and in inappropriate ways I've descended into my own thought life. I become detached. I stop communicating because I'm concentrating on the mental images and thoughts that are going through my mind.

There's a struggle that goes on to maintain a facade of normalcy while my mind degenerates. I go through the physical motions while my mind is distracted and far off. I can get callous and distant. This is not good for maintaining close relationships. And, as I've said before, those who are more spiritually aware (wives) are able to sense and see through it! (A scary thought- have you experienced that?) This seems so important that it will be the next area that I look at being careful with (if you care to go there with me).... our thought life.

Blessings and Peace! Kim

P4E.145 Turnaround

The cover story of this month's issue of Smart Business is authored by Brooke Bates, about a man named Ken Campbell and how he is turning around local homebuilder, Standard Pacific. You can read the article here: Back in Black

As a man who's interested in how his own marriage works and doing what he can to help other husbands who find themselves in marital crisis, I found the article remarkably relevant if you substitute marriage for business in the context of the article. I'm just going to quote some of the article (with the appropriate substitutions) and let it speak for itself:

"'Well, I go to the receptionist (wife) on my way in the door and I ask them what’s wrong with the company (marriage), and then I go upstairs and do it,' Campbell says. 'In other words, the problems are obvious. It’s having the willpower and sometimes the resources to implement the solutions.'" (emphasis mine)

"The problem isn’t figuring out what to do, it’s doing it. … It was pretty easy for everybody to see that something drastic needed to be done.”

"He learned that if you (husbands) ask the right questions, then solutions can be as clear as the problems."

"...the first step to fix a problem is (for a husband) to understand it."

"Management (the husband) has a vested interest in justifying the current state of affairs..."

"So the trick is to get them (husbands) to acknowledge what they already know is true and do it in the open and then deal with it."

"The point is not to blame anyone but to make sure employees (husbands) understand what they’re doing and why it’s not working. Otherwise, they’ll follow the same routine and get the same results."

"They (husbands) knew a lot about the trees and not enough about the forest."

"...keep it simple. It doesn’t take long before the eight or 10 things that really have an impact, you know what they are."

"How do they (husbands) perform the tasks that have the biggest impact? Are they just following a job description or is there a reason for each step?"

"In other words, they (husbands) can’t just go through the motions; they have to figure out: How does this work or why?"

"...be brave enough to ask the stupid questions."

"The only way I (as a husband) can be the coach is if I understand how the game is played."

"If everybody (husbands) challenges themselves all the time, … they’ll get better."

"The faster you advance from merely identifying problems to actually solving them, the better. 'Don’t drag it out,' Campbell says. 'You could spend a lot of time doing a bunch of analysis or you could just decide over the next week or two what to do and do it. And if you make mistakes, you can fix them later.'"

"You have to do it quicker than you think you need to, and you have to provide people (wives) with a solution that they can believe in. Otherwise it won’t stick."

"You’ll start to build buy-in by asking employees (wives) to participate by offering input and ideas. Part of the trick is making it their (wives') solution, not mine."

"In order to fix a company (marriage) that’s in lots of trouble, you have to force people (husbands) out of their comfort zone and then give them some confidence that they can actually do this...Part of that is removing the fear of failure. In other words, if you try something and it’s the wrong thing to do, that’s OK. If you don’t try something, that’s not OK. Sins of omission are worse than sins of commission because if you’re losing the race (marriage), you’ve got to change the strategy. If you do things quickly and aggressively, even if you make a mistake, then you’ll fix them faster."

"'Thank you' is a very powerful management (marriage) technique"

Blessings, Kim

P4E.144 Regrets Revisited

I'm taking a short break from The Best Safety Device series.

Not everyone is as fortunate (or deluded) as Frank Sinatra was in his song, "I Did It My Way." It seems that no matter how terribly we have acted, it is considered a highly valued character trait to have no regrets. I've lately come in contact with several young men who are starting out in their married lives who might do well to ask themselves what they might regret later. Take it from one who's been there and done that. Here's a flashback link to a post that I did back in 2008 called: Regrets

Peace, Kim

ps - I'm participating in a project called 31 Days to Building a Better Blog. If you are interested you can link here: 31DBBB

P4E.143 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 7

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A safe man is careful with: His eyes... (cont'd)

Your natural (fleshly) question might be "How does it make me unsafe to my spouse if I look at other women (real, magazine covers at the supermarket checkout line, billboards, Internet porn, etc.)? Isn't that her problem?"

It might help to think of it like this:

Let's say you own a car company. After much thought, negotiation and investment you enter into a contract with a car buyer named Bill. You will only make cars for Bill and he will only buy cars from you. He vows to be faithful and true.

You spend a lot of time with Bill and after a while you start to notice that Bill is looking out of the corner of his eye at cars other than the ones you make. Later there are obvious glances. Sometimes they are more than a glance. Every once in a while it's a sustained, head turning, eye popping leer. Bill doesn't seem to care if you are with him or not. You happen to see him in the supermarket. Unknown to him you watch as looks over all of the glossy magazines showing seductive images of other people's cars. It wouldn't surprise you if you found out that he was scouring the Internet for images of other cars.

Now, your contract with Bill requires your continuous, heavy investment. Do Bill's actions cause you to feel confident that Bill will continue to honor his contract with you? Or, does it cause you to hold back your investment? Does it make you put your guard up? Does it make you curious to know what's going on in his mind? Are you tempted to ask probing questions that go to his allegiance to you? Will his defense sound hollow when he tells you that his contract is with you and it doesn't mean he can't be looking at other cars? Finally, will it surprise you when he breaks his contract and jumps to another car maker?

Hope you see the parallel. I've known wives who would be considered beautiful by any man's standard who start to think that they are fat, ugly and too old when their men are looking at skinny, pretty, younger women. Many times, unknown to us, we send strong but unintended messages. All the more reason to be careful with what we look at.

Be safe, Kim

ps-I am participating in a project called 31 Days to Building a Better Blog. If you are interested, you can link here: http://blog.ourchurch.com/2010/05/11/31dbbb-day-7-write-a-link-post/#more-2071

P4E.142 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 6

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A safe man is careful with: His eyes...(cont'd)

The old saying goes, "The eyes are the window to the soul." This is mostly interpreted to mean that one may look into another's eyes and tell what sort of soul resides within. I have been terrified by the idea that what I lay my eyes on comes through them, like a window, and has the potential to sear my soul.

When I use the word 'sear,' I mean 'to painfully and injuriously burn or scorch. To harden, and make callous and unfeeling, to wither, to mark or brand (leaving a scar).' This is what happens to our spirits when we allow certain images to enter our souls through our eyes.

To be blunt, I'm specifically talking about pornography, which the Internet has made so readily available. Our flesh may be satisfied by seeing these images, but the spiritual cost is too great. These images leave ugly, searing scars that are almost impossible to erase from our memory banks or our spirits. They change our thinking so that we view others as 'objects' rather than spirits. I wonder if Jesus could have fashioned his interpretation of the seventh commandment "...everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart," having foreseen the reality of Internet pornography?

We cannot be 'safe' to those close to us (including God) if we are engaging in activities that harden us, that scar our spirits and leave us callous and unfeeling.

Here's another terrifying thought. Have you ever heard of "women's intuition?" Wives are able to sense the vacant looks, the disconnectedness, the impatience, the insensitivity and are able to put two and two together. Women are not stupid. They are not easily fooled. They know. Your wife knows. She may not understand or be able to put her finger on just why she does not feel safe, but she knows there's something. But, she'll find it. She will.

Be safe, Kim

"...the lust of the eyes...is not from the Father, but is from the world." (I John 2:16)

P4E.141 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 5

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A safe man is careful with: His eyes...

What we do with our eyes can make our wives feel safe or threatened. I should tell you that my own carelessness in this area nearly cost me my marriage. My wife, Gwen, to this day carries deep hurt because of my thoughtless and fleshly ways when it came to my eyes. To Gwen, I may never be considered 'safe' in this area. Only through carefully crafting a new track record do I even have a chance at being considered 'safe.'

We justify what we do with our eyes like this:'Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm dead.'
'I'm a MAN and that's what MEN do. It's natural.' (This one is actually true...it is natural but not Godly)
'I can look without being tempted and even if I'm tempted it doesn't mean I've sinned.' (and, worst of all)
'I'm just admiring God's beautiful creation.'

As Ken Nair, founder of Life Partners so often asks, "Would that be your spirit or your flesh talking?"

This worldly view is so contrary to Christ's teaching of "...if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out..." that I must stop and analyse how I do what I do and why I do it.

Let me leave you with these questions:
'How strong is your flesh?'
'If you put your mind to not looking, could you do it?' and finally,
'If you aren't inclined to putting your mind to not looking...why not?'

Be safe, Kim

P4E.140 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 4

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A safe man is careful with: The way he drives (cont'd)

Driving is one of the places where the 'rubber meets the road' as far as our Christianity goes. Would we be more careful if we referred to it as our Christian 'drive' instead of our Christian 'walk?'

Driving is the most common activity where I make the conscious decision:

"I AM FIRST."

That is to say:

'My destination is more important than yours'

'My time is more important than yours'

'My driving skills are superior to yours'

'My car is more prestigious than yours'

'I am faster than you are'

'I have more power than you have'

'Outta my way, man!'

Our personalities are exposed by our driving. Some are defensive. Some are offensive. There are those that play hard and fast with the rules. There are those that are vehemently offended by the ones who play hard and fast with the rules. Some are overly cautious and slow. Some throw caution to the wind. Some place 'Christian' stickers on their cars so that we may identify them as 'Christians,' as they blow by us and cut us off. Is it any wonder that 'hypocrite' is the first word that comes to mind when the world thinks of Christians? (And I'm not just talking about driving!)

The 'I am first' attitude is so plainly contrary to Christ's teaching that I must take some time to stop and evaluate how I do what I do and why I do it. Scripture describes a war going on between my flesh and my spirit. I'm embarrassed to confess that, in my life, more battles are won by the flesh than the spirit. That is because my ways are not naturally God's ways. I must exert my spirit to strengthen it and make it fit for battle. (Scripture says 'Resist the devil and he will flee...') Then I might be able to shed the 'I am first' attitude, plan my time better, start a little earlier and drive with more self-control so that my drive could be more peaceful (self-control and peace being Fruit of the Spirit).

A group of men were discussing how angry and frustrated they would become when cut off on the freeway. But, one of the men said, 'I've never been cut off on the freeway.' As the others cynically expressed their disbelief, he explained, 'I've never been cut off because I always let the other person go first....'

Be safe, Kim

P4E.139 39 Times When I'm Prone to Fall to My Flesh

"The serious Christian man diligently searches out God's ways!"
Ken Nair - Life Partners

As a part of my search, I am compiling a list of the times when I feel weakest to falling to my flesh. What I mean is that there are physical circumstances when I fall prey to being angry, impatient, frustrated and/or other temptations that lead to sin (flesh). The reason it's important to identify these times is that they cause me to hurt the ones closest to me. If I'm to conquer my flesh, I need to pinpoint my own areas of weakness so that I can go to God for His strength at the very moment when I am weakest. I'd be interested to hear if yours matches mine and/or if you have others that you would add from your own experience. So, here goes:

I am prone to fall to my fleshly ways when I:

1. am hot
2. am cold
3. am hungry
4. am thirsty
5. am tired
6. am stressed out
7. am sick
8. am pressed for time (running late)
9. am short on money
10. have to wait
11. have lost something
12. am in pain
13. make a mistake
14. feel unprepared
15. have to depend on someone else
16. feel ignored
17. feel like things aren't going my way
18. am doing something that takes longer than I thought it would
19. have an idea that's challenged
20. experience unusual circumstances
21. experience the same darn thing happen over and over again
22. am wrongly accused
23. am rightly accused
24. am confused

Remember, the list is not the end. It is the means to identify moments when I'm weak and need to count on God's strength so that I don't do spiritual damage to those around me (or myself). Here's more:

I am prone to fall to my fleshly ways when I:

25. am alone (they even have a saying for this one: 'you can gauge the character of a man by what he does when he's alone')
26. have nothing to do (this one has a saying too: 'an idle mind is the devil's workshop')
27. believe there is no hope
28. have to take the blame when it's not my fault
29. have to take the blame when it is my fault
30. see (what appears to me to be) incompetence in others
31. my directions are misunderstood or not followed (I thought my instructions were brilliant!)
32. am driving (this is (or should be) on every guy's list)
33. am driving and lost (I wouldn't think of asking for directions!)
34. forget something (as in, I'm driving two blocks away from home and remember I left it at the house)
35. am in a crowd of people (the last time I really 'fleshed out' was (ironically) at a Billy Graham Crusade)
36. am inconvenienced
37. see (what appears to me to be) an injustice
38. am treated unfairly
39. am at Holiday functions (I can't tell you how many I've ruined!)

What's on your list?

Peace, Kim

P4E.138 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 3

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A safe man is careful with: The way he drives (cont'd)

I need to be open to the idea that my wife may be a better judge than I am of how 'safe' I drive. My driving sheds light on how callous I am to perceiving a threat. It is a grave danger to be passive, callous, or insensitive to physical and spiritual threats. I need help in assessing and perceiving threats to the spiritual safety of myself and my loved ones. Where can I go for that help? Ken Nair, founder of Life Partners, asks the question: "Could God be so uncomplicated as to call our help, "help?" God knew that we would need help when He said "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make for him a help." (Gen. 2:18) Then He created woman...

My wife has sometimes asked me these questions while I am driving:

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Why don't you stop and ask for directions?"

In driving, as in relationships, 'safe' is a state of mind, a feeling, as much or more than it is a status. Feeling 'safe' includes the peace of mind of knowing where we are going, that we're in agreement on that destination and how we are going to get there.

Think of it this way: I get in the car, I'm in the 'driver's seat.' My wife and kids get in the car, they are 'along for the ride.' I can drive in such a way as to terrify them. They cannot escape without causing a scene and being stranded somewhere between where we started and where I am taking them. They are trapped. My wife may tell me that she doesn't like the way I'm driving. I can ignore her, continue to drive recklessly and crash injuring all of us. Even if we reach our destination without crashing, my wife may not forgive my recklessness. In the future, she may refuse to get back in the car with me. It would be better to be careful, agree upon a destination, arrive safely, and not cause any damage along the way.

Be Safe, Kim