P4E.151 The Best Safety Device is a Careful Man - Part 12

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A safe man is careful with: His thought life.

The stereotypical therapy scene is that of the patient lying on a couch, a tortured soul, pouring out his heart with the therapist sitting nearby looking over his glasses, down his nose and taking notes. How the tortured soul ended up on the therapist's couch is this post's topic.

In my case, I got there because I lived much of my life in my mind. I didn't talk, I didn't communicate. I didn't share. I was not "one" with my spouse. And if my wife, Gwen, were able to coax me out I would, many times, retaliate for that invasion of my "privacy" by telling her "what I really thought."

Then, I would wonder about the injustice and unfairness of the whole situation: First she wants me to talk. Then she is digusted with me when she hears what I'm thinking. The more I divulge of myself, the less she appears to like me. Gwen would tell me that my thoughts were "warped" and "not normal." It's taken me a while to realize that the "help" that the Creator gave me, my wife, was right. My thinking is 'warped' and 'not normal'.

My heart is filled with anger, impatience, frustration and twisted thoughts. The natural intent of my heart is evil. My heart does not want to understand. It is proud. It is hard and unteachable. It is troubled. It is easily deceived. It is insincere. It is slow. It is heavy. It hurts.

Scripture says, 'Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.' When my thoughts and my heart are filled with what I've described it's no wonder that when I open my mouth it pours out pain and destruction! I have been neither safe nor careful with my thoughts or my heart and my wife and children have paid the price. And, so have I. I need help to do better. I am lost and in danger and I need to be saved.

Kim