P4E.089 Perspective

"He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands
He's got the whole world in His hands"
Traditional Spiritual

Over the last few nights, the Moon appears to be losing the race with Jupiter across the southern sky. A few nights ago, Jupiter hung beautifully just above the half Moon. A few nights later, Jupiter appeared to be "preceding" the moon and last night Jupiter was far ahead of the Moon as they made their way from east to west in the southern night sky.

I say "appeared" because these nighttime observations and the words we use to describe them are based on one perspective, as we "see" them from the Earth. Looked at another way, the Moon and Jupiter don't "move" across the night sky, they come into and out of our view as the Earth turns.

To us, the Moon looks much larger and brighter than Jupiter. Yet, Jupiter is approximately 64,000 times bigger than our Moon. It looks like a pinpoint of light by comparison to the Moon because it is over 1600 times further away from the Earth than the Moon is. Neither of these heavenly bodies "emit" light, they are both reflecting light from our own Sun.

Because of the distance from the Earth to the Moon and from the Earth to Jupiter we are actually seeing a reflection of light from the past. It takes the reflected light only around 1.2 seconds to get from the Moon to the Earth. But, it takes over 43 minutes for reflected light to get from Jupiter to the Earth. So, we never see the "actual" relationship between Jupiter and the Moon at any given moment.

Why do I bring this up? The stock market in plunging, the economy is worrisome, there's war, and there's an important election coming up. I'm searching for new tools to address my anxious nature so that I don't continue to disappoint those closest to me. I know that answers lie in His Word and Creation.

I'm realizing that I have a microscopic, singular, point of view on my problems and worries. If I could only learn to get out of myself and move away from my circumstances and see them from a different perspective, I wouldn't be so consumed and affected by them. Being able to see my circumstances in 3 or 4 dimensions would put them in a different light. Maybe the problems I see as "big" are really small. And, maybe those that appear "minor" are, in fact, huge. Maybe all of my problems and worries are small when I consider the One who made and is saving me.

"Do not be anxious then, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'With what shall we clothe ourselves?'" "…But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6: 31, 33, 34

Peace, Kim

P4E.088 Disappointed

"Something is not right with me,
Something is not right with me,
Something is not right with me,
How was I supposed to know?

Something is not right with me,
Something is not right with me,
Something is not right with me,
Trying not to let it show..."
Cold War Kids

Have you ever disappointed a loved one? Have you ever known that you were performing below a loved one's expectations and then had her point it out? What was your response? I wonder if it was like mine. I felt defensive. Yes, even though I knew I was underperforming, I was defensive. Even though I knew I was wrong, I didn't like it when my wrong attitude was pointed out to me.

That's how strong the flesh is. I was mulling it in my mind. I tried not to let it show. But, Gwen caught it just the same. She asked me if I was mad that she had told me she was disappointed. Busted! I sighed and said, "No, not mad. Discouraged." I could understand and maybe even deal with Gwen being mad at me for underperforming. But, disappointed! There's no quick fix for disappointment. There's loss of trust and respect. You don't earn that back overnight. It felt like I'd lost a costly battle and it was going to take a lot of energy, effort and time to win back hard fought ground.

It is going to take a lot of energy, effort, and time to win back hard fought ground. But, I know that the prize is worth it. I can win back trust by being consistently trustworthy. I can win back faith by being consistently faithful. I can win back optimism by being consistently optimistic. I can win back hope by being consistently hopeful. I can win back respect by consistently earning respect. I can win back encouragement by being consistently encouraging. I won't give up.

I also know that something is not right with me and that I need help to overcome my melancholy ways. I'm committing to getting that help.

I want to make sure that I don't come off as someone who's "getting it." I truly am going through a trough in my attitude, marriage and ways. It's been a rough last few months. I am always profoundly affected by work and money issues. Personal issues get compounded by work and money issues. I'm asking for your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!

Peace, Kim

P4E.087 My Old Ways

One of the great things about having a 15 year old son, is that he keeps me up with some music I might never, otherwise, be exposed to.

As an example, if it weren't for Ben, I wouldn't have heard of (or even thought to listen to) a band called Dr. Dog and their song "My Old Ways," part of whose lyrics go:

"...But, I don't ever wanna go back
To my old ways
Cheatin' and creepin' around
I don't ever wanna go back
To the old days
I'm leaving the dead underground
I don't ever wanna go
No, I don't ever wanna go back
To my o-o-o-o-o-o-o-old ways again
I don't wanna go back
To my o-o-o-o-o-o-o-old ways again..."

I've given my wife, Gwen, some scares lately.
My flesh has been leaking (flooding?) through.
I know she might be thinking that I might return to my old ways.
I'm having to work (hard) to assure her that's not going to happen.

I need to remind myself of My Old Ways:

- selfish, "me first," attitude
- inwardly focused
- more concerned about my flesh than my spirit (or other's spirits)
- impatient
- explosively angry
- unforgiving
- frustrated
- unable to encourage
- refuse to be encouraged
- inflexible
- opinionated
- cynical
- hard hearted
- argumentative
- unable (or refused) to lead
- uncreative
- thoughtless
- lazy
- withdrawn
- uncommunicative
- dead

And that's just to name a few!
I'm committing to Gwen that I won't go back to my old ways.
I'm leaving the dead underground.
God help me.
What's your list look like?

Guard your heart, Kim

P4E.086 A Young Man's Tale

"Old man look at my life,
Twenty four and there's so much more...
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you..."
Neil Young

A Young Man's Tale

When J was very young, five or six, his father thought he'd play a little joke on him. His father put a shawl over his head and found a stick for a cane and came into J's bedroom hunched over and limping on the cane, saying in a creaky voice "I'm an ooooold laaaadyyyy." J sat up in his bed, tears welling in his eyes and cried, "Ohhhh, that's sad!"

Another time, J's parents had taken him into Los Angeles for some fancy function. They were all dressed up and walking, hand-in-hand, down the street. A bedraggled, homeless man approached them and threw himself on his knees in front of the family, begging for some help. The family barely broke stride as they moved around him. "God bless you..." the homeless man croaked as they walked by. But, J began tugging on his mother's skirt. He whispered something in her ear. She reached into her purse and gave J some change. J went back on his own and handed it into the crusty man's filthy hand. As J ran back to his family, the dingy man smiled and waved after him.

Not surprisingly, J grew up to become a firefighter and EMT, working on an ambulance. Every day, day in and day out, J saw life pass in front of his eyes. Some life passed young and some life passed old. Some passed in pain and some unconscious. He grew weary not of doing good, but of suppressing the feelings that would accompany the pain and the passing of life. He grew weary not of the discipline, but of the para-military aspect of his work. He was self-aware enough to see that he was becoming callous and superior and bigoted. He cared so much and was so troubled in his heart that he abandoned the pursuit of a firefighter/paramedic career.

J is 26 and lives in Seattle now, with his girlfriend. For the most part, he's eschewed materialism. Doesn't own a car or much of anything else. He has a dog, whom he adores, named Shackleton. He's a vegetarian bordering on vegan. Sometimes he falls off the vege wagon. But, he's not dogmatic about it. He's a vegetarian because he loves animals and it's healthy. He played football when he was younger, but now he doesn't have much to do with team sports. He's competitive, but mostly with himself. He loves riding bicycles and does what he loves in his job as an urban bicycle messenger. It's a tough job and J fought hard to get it. He's proud of his work. J's parents were political conservatives and "born agains" while he was growing up. J has found his own way and finds himself far to the left of where his parents were politically and non-committal about Christianity.

J reads for pleasure and sometimes he recommends books to his father. One recent recommendation was "Into the Wild" about a young man who, after graduating from college, gave away his savings to a non-profit that works to find solutions to injustice and poverty, burned the money in his wallet, abandoned his car and began traveling. He died in Alaska after heading out the snowy Stampede Trail with only ten pounds of rice, a .22 caliber rifle, a camera, several boxes of rifle rounds, some camping gear, and a small selection of literature. He took no compass or map. He was 24.

On his bicycle messenger route J has come to know and befriend a shabby homeless man, like the one to whom he gave change when he was a child, named Wes. J usually sees Wes outside of a mini-mart. J chats with Wes when he sees him and buys Wes a water or a Gatorade when he can afford it. Last week, when J saw him, Wes said "It's my birthday, but I got no one to celebrate with me." J got off his bike and went into the mini-mart. He bought some packaged cake and came back out to celebrate with Wes. But Wes was gone. J wept when he told the story.

This young man's tale is unfolding. He's finding himself and trying not to worry about what others think of him (he still does, though). His parents love him and are there for him and are behind him all the way. They've learned a lot and are not the people they were when J was growing up. They are praying for who he has been and who he is and who he will be. Do they wish he'd make some different, better decisions with his life? Like most parents, yes. But, they're proud of J because his heart is good, soft and warm. That's a measure of success, as far as his parents are concerned. They are hoping and praying for the best for J.

He has more of Christ in him than even he knows.

"Diddle Diddle Dumpling...."

Peace, Kim