P4E.276 My Will Be Done

 

The Pastor of our church used the phrase “My will be done” in a homily a few weeks ago. He contrasted it with “Thy will be done” in The Lord’s Prayer. It’s stuck with me.

As I look back over my life, it’s been blessed. I grew up in Highland Park, California. That’s considered “East-LA”. My father immigrated from China when he was a child and my mother is of Mexican descent, born in La Mesa, New Mexico. My father was a federal bank examiner and my mother worked for financial institutions and the local school district. When I was around 10 years old, we moved to Orange County, California. I would say we progressed from lower middle-class to middle middle-class.

I graduated from the California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, was married at 21 and am still married to the same lovely wife 44 years later. We had 3 sons and now have 3 daughters-in-law and 3 grandchildren. I’ve had a long, fulfilling career as an architect and engineer. I was raised Catholic, left the Church for Protestant/Evangelical/Non-Denominational churches and have now since returned to the Catholic Church.

There have been no major disasters in my life. No tears in the fabric of my being. No huge holes in my heart. I’ve had a good life. For me, this has become a double-edged sword. All this good fortune has brought about expectations. Because things have fallen into place in my life, I expect them to continue to do so. When they do not, even on the smallest level, I find myself put out. I’m impatient, frustrated, and angry. Strangely, when the relatively bigger challenges arise, I’m more patient, more resolved to accept the fates. It’s the small things that gnaw at my longsuffering. Let the paper misload in the printer; let an important phone call be missed; let the customer service person be less than helpful and I’m undone.

My wife regularly (and rightly) points out my lack of gratitude. I used to wonder what gratitude had to do with the challenges I was experiencing. How it would help me endure the internet service that keeps buffering and cutting out?

I want MY WILL to be done! That means, things go right. Without a hitch. No problems. “Well,” my wife wonders, “Where in the world did you ever get the idea that you were entitled to a world with no problems?” She’s right about that. She is right about that.

Becoming aware of the strength of people who are struggling with cancer, who’ve been molested or harassed or mistreated, who’ve lost loved ones in tragic circumstances, who’ve lost a limb, or become completely paralyzed, who’ve failed repeatedly, who are caring for a loved one who’s health is failing, or worst of all, who are losing hope should and does make me feel grateful for my lot in life.

But the Holy Scriptures of my Faith also point out that I should not only be grateful for the good things that have happened in my life but also be grateful for the trials that befall me.

“Consider it all joy…when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

I need to be reminded that these trials are meant to turn my attention to the One who is the source of the comfort that gets me through them and why.

 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

In these times, I’m not looking for relief from suffering. I will suffer. If I'm not suffering now, it will surely come. Who will I be when the suffering comes? Will I purposely make it worse? Will my response compound the grief and sorrow? Or will I endure and be a source of strength and comfort to those who need it? I fervently pray that I am the latter. Not mine, but His will be done.