P4E.276 My Will Be Done

 

The Pastor of our church used the phrase “My will be done” in a homily a few weeks ago. He contrasted it with “Thy will be done” in The Lord’s Prayer. It’s stuck with me.

As I look back over my life, it’s been blessed. I grew up in Highland Park, California. That’s considered “East-LA”. My father immigrated from China when he was a child and my mother is of Mexican descent, born in La Mesa, New Mexico. My father was a federal bank examiner and my mother worked for financial institutions and the local school district. When I was around 10 years old, we moved to Orange County, California. I would say we progressed from lower middle-class to middle middle-class.

I graduated from the California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, was married at 21 and am still married to the same lovely wife 44 years later. We had 3 sons and now have 3 daughters-in-law and 3 grandchildren. I’ve had a long, fulfilling career as an architect and engineer. I was raised Catholic, left the Church for Protestant/Evangelical/Non-Denominational churches and have now since returned to the Catholic Church.

There have been no major disasters in my life. No tears in the fabric of my being. No huge holes in my heart. I’ve had a good life. For me, this has become a double-edged sword. All this good fortune has brought about expectations. Because things have fallen into place in my life, I expect them to continue to do so. When they do not, even on the smallest level, I find myself put out. I’m impatient, frustrated, and angry. Strangely, when the relatively bigger challenges arise, I’m more patient, more resolved to accept the fates. It’s the small things that gnaw at my longsuffering. Let the paper misload in the printer; let an important phone call be missed; let the customer service person be less than helpful and I’m undone.

My wife regularly (and rightly) points out my lack of gratitude. I used to wonder what gratitude had to do with the challenges I was experiencing. How it would help me endure the internet service that keeps buffering and cutting out?

I want MY WILL to be done! That means, things go right. Without a hitch. No problems. “Well,” my wife wonders, “Where in the world did you ever get the idea that you were entitled to a world with no problems?” She’s right about that. She is right about that.

Becoming aware of the strength of people who are struggling with cancer, who’ve been molested or harassed or mistreated, who’ve lost loved ones in tragic circumstances, who’ve lost a limb, or become completely paralyzed, who’ve failed repeatedly, who are caring for a loved one who’s health is failing, or worst of all, who are losing hope should and does make me feel grateful for my lot in life.

But the Holy Scriptures of my Faith also point out that I should not only be grateful for the good things that have happened in my life but also be grateful for the trials that befall me.

“Consider it all joy…when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

I need to be reminded that these trials are meant to turn my attention to the One who is the source of the comfort that gets me through them and why.

 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

In these times, I’m not looking for relief from suffering. I will suffer. If I'm not suffering now, it will surely come. Who will I be when the suffering comes? Will I purposely make it worse? Will my response compound the grief and sorrow? Or will I endure and be a source of strength and comfort to those who need it? I fervently pray that I am the latter. Not mine, but His will be done.

P4E.275 Suddenly

 

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as if they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly

I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hangin’ over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Lennon-McCartney

Being closer to the end of my life than the beginning, these words are resonating with me lately. Not because of a doomed romance, but because of a lost love. The love that seems suddenly lost and dying is the culture that has come to unify the western world over centuries (and possibly millennia or even eons).

My holding to the values and culture that, in my view, best define and direct humanity has me feeling suddenly irrelevant and invisible. Suddenly overshadowed. Suddenly so…yesterday. But I’m not apologetic for holding to those values. The zeitgeist of the 2020s has taken a dark turn. An accusatory, unforgiving, malevolent, destructive turn. It’s as if every institution that gave solidity to existence has been drawn into question. As if every baby is to be thrown out with the bath water.

Let me expand on that metaphor for a minute. The baby is what is considered valuable. The baby’s value resides in its inherent value as a human being. It resides in the baby’s potential and in its innocence. The baby has no power over itself or others. It relies completely on those in whom the baby’s well being has been entrusted. But the baby messes itself. It drools. It plays in the dirt. It can’t completely be fed without getting the food all over itself. It needs a bath.

So, the basin is prepared with warm, clean water. The universal solvent. As soap is applied and the baby is sponged, the dirt, the drool, the mess, and the excess food are washed away into the water. Now baby is returned to its pristine state and the water is no longer clean. Here the metaphor becomes clear: when emptying the basin, the valuable baby should not be tossed away with the dirty water.

The institutions that have held us together are so under fire that they seem close to collapse. There are those that seem intent on throwing them out with the bath water. Are they dirty? Yes. Flawed? Yes. In need of attention/repair/improvement? Yes. But should we destroy them?

Religion and Christianity, in particular, have receded in our culture’s value system. The emphasis on science has unnecessarily relegated Christianity to the sidelines of relevance in the zeitgeist of the 21^st Century. Science and Christianity need not be mutually exclusive. They need not and cannot consistently be mutually affirming. They feed different parts of human need.

I recently heard a podcast interview with Jaron Lanier. If you haven’t heard of him, see here: jaronlanier.com . He purposefully has no social media accounts. He started talking about people’s interest in UFOs.

“…(it) fills a human need. People need to have something to obsess over. People need to experience their brains thinking beyond the edge of what’s official. They need to be able to have common quests. The need to be able to explore things that might not be true, because otherwise truth calcifies. This is something that we all need. This is legitimate. Being able to be obsessed with things that are at the edge of thought is really important. Being able to do it with other people is very healthy and maybe even vital.”

Even though he wasn’t talking about religion, and he might even disagree that his words could be used in reference to religion, I found the similarity of thought interesting.

I draw comfort from the shared Judeo-Christian Scriptures: The idea of One Creator God, Who exemplifies eternity, good, truth, light, wisdom gives me solace. He cannot be proven. Those who have ears to hear and eyes to see hear and see Him. But the “not knowing” can and should be the impetus to explore what “might not be true”. There is a man I know and admire who responds to the question, “Do you believe in God?” by saying “I try to act as if there is one.”

There are reasons why the ancient Holy Scriptures encourage us to honor our father and our mother (Deut 5:16), ideally the source of the wisdom of the past. There is a reason why Christ said

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. For I tell you truly, until heaven and earth pass away, not a single jot, not a stroke of a pen, will disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.”

(Matt 5:17-18)

 We toss aside these ideals at our own peril. The promise associated with the command to honor father and mother: “so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” literally promises longevity and well-being to those who keep the wisdom of the past. The alternative?

Returning to the baby and the bath water metaphor, Jesus brought a child before His disciples and said,

“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world for the causes of sin. These stumbling blocks must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!” (Matt 18:5-7)

Sometimes I do feel as if the world sees me as “half the man I used to be,” but it helps me to not care what the rest of the world thinks. Not in that regard. I will try not to be the man through whom stumbling blocks come.

 Blessings.

P4E.274 Honor Your Father and Mother

The commandment to honor your father and mother is vital to the stability of humanity. Historians date the writing of Exodus, where the commandments are recorded, to be as early as 1,450 BC, almost 3,500 years ago. Even then, man had been around for a very long time. Long enough to know, or be taught, how to live and how to live with each other. God and man also both knew the wickedness that man was capable of and what boundaries needed to be put in place. 

The genius of the commandment is that it burdens both parents and children. Parents are obliged to behave honorably by representing God properly and passing down the lessons of the past (I confess that I could have done better in this regard). And through the generations, fathers and mothers were charged with raising their children in the way they should go. Children, in turn, honor God by honoring their parents and carrying on the accumulation of millennia of traditions and values . Children were urged, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, And do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”

But Christ knew that men’s hearts are rebellious and that He, Himself, would cause division: “Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division…They will be divided, father against son, and son against father; mother against daughter, and daughter against mother…” 

Ultimately, parents die, and their children become parents and all are responsible for their own behavior. Sometimes the evil prosper and bad things happen to good people. And, because God is sovereign and men are inclined to evil, justice is hardly expected here on Earth. 

In the end, the wisest man said that all was futile. When all had been said, he advised us to “fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.”

P4E.273 You Matter

In the early 2000's my marriage was in deep trouble. We were very fortunate in finding an amazing para-church ministry that helped us find a way through those times. Now, one of the leadership couples of that ministry just announced that, after 24 years of marriage, they are divorcing. They're not the first (and probably won't be the last). Of course, everyone is wishing them well, as do I. But, at my age I feel entitled to have an opinion; to have feelings about it.

Acknowledging all the normal and expected caveats of, "you haven't kept in touch with them, you don't know their pain, you don't know all the particulars, the history, the circumstances, how things change, you can't and shouldn't judge, there but for the grace of God go I, etc.," it still hurts. It's still confusing and discouraging and disappointing. It still leaves me desperate and wondering.

In the para-church ministry I mentioned, emphasis was placed on the husband, as spiritual leader, being responsible for the state of his marriage. To love his wife like Christ loved the church, "and gave Himself up for her." As that leadership couple taught me, I've come to believe this wholeheartedly and so lay the responsibility for the split at the husband's door. I know that I'm walking a fine line between holding him accountable and judging him; that I leave myself open to being called a hypocrite myself (now and in the future). But in this moment, that is what I feel and believe. We were taught, by this couple, that the state of the marriage is an accurate reflection of the state of the husband's relationship to Christ. What must that relationship be like if they have decided to divorce?

There are very few men who have influenced me. One, who I've recently come under the influence of, says that life is struggle. That the antidote to that struggle is discovering meaning. And that meaning can be found in taking on responsibility. That responsibility comes about when we shoulder the burden that EVERYTHING WE THINK, SAY, AND DO MATTERS. Each one of us knows 1,000 people. And each of them knows 1,000 people. So, we are literally 1 person away from 1,000,000 people. We are individuals, but we live in a society and a culture. This is only compounded by social media. By what we think, say, and do, each of us MAKES A DIFFERENCE in the lives of others. (At this time of year, the story of "It's a Wonderful Life" comes to mind)

I know that I'm not the only one so deeply affected by that leadership couple's decision to divorce. All this is meant to be an encouragement to you, my friends. What you THINK, SAY, and DO matters. Lean into the struggle. There will be pain. Tears must fall. Find the meaning in it. Bear your burden. Endure.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

PS - I know that, just as in my favorite sport of Baseball, the story isn't over until it's over. We always hold out hope!